


Nothing Else Matters

by noxlee



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Character Death, Coda, Episode: s12e23 All Along the Watchtower, Episode: s13e01 Lost and Found, Grief/Mourning, Grieving Dean, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-16
Updated: 2017-10-16
Packaged: 2019-01-18 07:21:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 964
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12383538
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/noxlee/pseuds/noxlee
Summary: "I love you,” Cas said softly, like it was the simplest thing in the world. Dean’s throat seized up, and he blinked away visions of dark goo. Cas pressed a warm hand over Dean’s heart. “All of you.”A 12x23/13x01 coda





	Nothing Else Matters

**Author's Note:**

> This was originally part of a longer mid-season fic that just wasn't working for me. Rather than scrap it all, I pulled this scene out and revised it a bit. In it's original version it was a lot more porny and fun, but it uh... evolved. 
> 
> Loosely beta'ed by robotsnchicks. Thank you!

"Dean, that tickles," Cas grumbled. But his eyes were bright, his nose crinkled, and his lips quirked up in a small, half smile.

Dean grinned and continued trailing his fingers down the sides of Cas's ribs, resolutely ignoring the way he squirmed beneath him as he moved lower and nosed around Cas’s hipbone.

He had only managed to pull Cas’s shirttails from his pants before a firm hand grabbed him by the hair and tugged gently. "Dean," Cas grunted in exasperation. “Come here.”

Cas’s voice was low and commanding, and Dean went willingly, sidling back up the bed. Cas surged up to meet him, and they collapsed back onto the mattress together, limbs entangled. Dean shivered a little as Cas kissed him and the stubble framing his lips brushed against his own. There was a slight edge of desperation in the way Cas kissed him tonight — the insistence with which his tongue made its way into Dean’s mouth, and the hand at the back of his neck that held him firmly in place.

Dean smirked, and managed to pull back slightly. He trailed kisses down Cas’s throat instead, and sucked firmly at his pulse point. He rolled his hips languidly, pleased with the grunt it elicited from Cas. But he was content for now just to lay curled over Cas’s body and savour the warm, solid form beneath him. He burrowed his face into the crook of Cas’s neck and breathed him in.

Cas let out a deep sigh beneath him and seemed to relax further into the mattress. One hand wandered up and down Dean’s back, rubbing in rhythmic circles. The other stroked gently at the nape of his neck.

“Dean, I—” Cas started. But Dean placed a finger to his lips.

“Shh. It’s okay, Cas. You don’t have to say anything. I know.”

Cas batted Dean’s hand away in irritation. Then he reached up to cup Dean’s face. His own face turned serious, his expression falling somewhere between awe and pain, and Dean frowned in confusion.

"I love you,” Cas said softly, like it was the simplest thing in the world. Dean’s throat seized up, and he blinked away visions of dark goo. Cas pressed a warm hand over Dean’s heart. “All of you.”

All of the broken, gnarly, blacked bits of Dean’s soul, and not only had Cas seen it all, but he loved it. Loved Dean. It was so fucking stupid, and Dean found himself blinking away tears as well.

He sat up quickly under the weight of Cas’s gaze, and leaned back on his heels. Cas’s hands had fallen away to his sides, his gaze so sincere and earnest that Dean had to look away. He trailed a hand down over Cas’s chest instead, watching it rise and fall steadily. He let his hand rest over Cas’s heart now, and felt it beat in time with his own. It was staggering sometimes to think about the vastness of Cas contained within this body. As he had from the time they first met, Dean felt unworthy of it all, and very, very small. Pushing the thought away, Dean tried to lighten the mood.

“You’re really wearing far too many clothes,” he said, and flicked a finger lazily over one of Cas’s nipples through his shirt. He smiled to himself when Cas’s mouth fell open in a silent gasp, but before he could move to start undoing buttons on his shirt, a blue light spilled from Cas’s open mouth. It was bright, and blinding, and then it was coming from his eyes and chest too. Panic gripped him, and just before the brightness engulfed him fully, Dean looked down to see the blade in Cas’s chest, and Dean’s own hand wrapped around the hilt. 

_ No! _

When the light receded and Dean’s vision returned, the bed beneath them had vanished to be replaced by cold sand. He sat back sharply on his heels as the blankets dissolved into dirt and he felt his knees sink into the mud. Cas’s eyes had stopped fluttering and were now shut fast. His head lolled to one side, and a dark red stain was seeping out from his chest.

The flame of arousal that had been flickering within Dean extinguished in a heartbeat. It was replaced with a steady thrum of terror that started with a sharp pain in Dean’s chest and spread rapidly outward until even his fingertips felt alive with fear.

_ Not again. Please, no. _

"Cas?" His voice sounded broken, even to his own ears. “Cas, wake up.” But Dean knew that all he was looking at was a shell. Cas was gone; the vastness ripped away.

His gaze fell on the wings next. The scorched marks in the sand of broken, twisted wings, and a strangled sound escaped him as Dean tried to exhale. The next inhale burned as his chest constricted and icy tendrils rushed to coil around his heart.

And then came the flames. They flickered upward until Cas was engulfed completely and Dean couldn’t see anything but the dark smoke that swirled around him, pressing in.

\-----

Dean woke suddenly to an agonized noise and it took him several disorienting moments to realize that the sound had come from himself. He looked around his empty room and peeled away the sheets that were clinging to him in a cold sweat. He coughed, the phantom taste of smoke and ash still stuck to the back of his throat. Next to him, his bed was empty.

Everything was dark. Everything was gone.

Everything.

_ I’m sorry.  _ He whispered the words under his breath, his whole body shaking. His next words slipped unbidden from his lips and into the darkness:

_ I loved you, too. _

But it was far too late and none of it mattered. 

**Author's Note:**

> As always, feedback and suggestions for improvement are welcome.


End file.
